BEST CHOCOLATE TO SERVE WITH WINE
Endangered Species Dark Chocolate
Endangered Species, which clocks in at 88 percent cocoa, is dark and bitter, but not insanely rich. The bitterness lingers in a good way, and it makes you want to pair it with something. Maybe a strawberry? Some wine? Cheeseburger? Choice is yours.
BEST CHOCOLATE FOR FEELING LIKE A GOOD PERSON
Tony's Chocolonely Milk Chocolate
Roughly 60 to 70 percent of all cocoa consumed worldwide comes from Ghana and the Ivory Coast, yet it's a region notoriously known for the widespread use of child labor and slavery in cocoa production. The good news is that Tony's Chocolonely is committed to stopping that — they buy their cocoa beans directly from farmers and avoid any and all slavery or child labor operations. And the chocolate is tasty, on top of it all.
BEST CHOCOLATE TO INVESTIGATE CLOSELY
Theo Milk Chocolate
Something is off here. The taste isn't quite normal, and while this can generally be an exciting thing, Theo just isn't working. It almost tastes like there's an artificial sweetener somewhere, but Theo uses cane sugar. Something's off.
BEST CHOCOLATE TO HAVE ALONGSIDE TEA
Green & Black's Organic Milk Chocolate
The slightly herbal taste of this chocolate really makes you feel the roots of the cocoa beans — you can tell that they came from the Earth. Add to that the fact that it's slightly intense for milk chocolate, and you've got a perfect tea-side snack.
BEST CHOCOLATE TO TURN YOU INTO AN ACTUAL LIVING PIECE OF CHOCOLATE
Montezuma's Absolute Black Dark Chocolate with Cocoa Nibs
This bad boy is 100 percent dark chocolate, and predictably, this is pretty much only for the biggest chocoholics alive. It's very intense. There's a nice touch, however, with the cocoa nibs. They give the bar a great texture, almost as if you're eating a Crunch bar. 100 percent pure dark chocolate isn't really our thing, but maybe it's yours?
BEST CHOCOLATE TO ACT LIKE A FANCYPANTS WITH
Godiva is kind of ridiculous. They treat chocolate like it's high-end jewelry. While it can make you feel like a big ole fancy pants when you eat it, at the end of the day it doesn't matter. It's good chocolate.
BEST CHOCOLATE THAT RESEMBLES BEING HEALTHY
Alter Eco Deep Dark Blackout
Another non-GMO, organic, and fair trade bar committed to using the best possible ingredients. Give Alter Eco a look if you're concerned about what a Hershey's bar might do to your insides and the planet. It's also made of 85 percent cocoa, so this is one for those who love intensely rich, bittersweet chocolate with a velvety texture and notes of caramel and stone fruits.
BEST CHOCOLATE TO SEDUCE SOMEBODY WITH (IN THE MIDDLE AGES)
Chocolove Milk Chocolate
This thing screams seduction from the minute you open it. First of all, the thing's called Chocolove. Second, there are XOXOs stamped across the package. Third, the inner wrapping has John Donne's 1633 poem "To His Mistress Going to Bed" written on it. They want you to think of this like some sort of secret love letter. This thing is seduction, top to bottom — the rich, smooth, milky chocolate itself goes right along with all of that.
BEST GATEWAY CHOCOLATE
Dove Milk Chocolate
Dove calls this bar "silky smooth," and they are right. This is an easy to eat chocolate bar, right here. If you're somebody who never tried chocolate before and you're thinking about experimenting with it, start here. It's the gateway bar.
BEST CHOCOLATE TO APOLOGIZE WITH
Ghirardelli Milk Chocolate
Ghirardelli is a classic. It's a household name, despite being hard to say and spell and pronounce. Ghirardelli gives you that upscale chocolate flavor, without making you pay an upscale chocolate price. Despite the many different flavors they offer, their plain milk chocolate is malty and time-tested. It's the type of chocolate we all know so well that it ends up making a great gift, especially if you've done something dumb and need to apologize for it.
BEST CHOCOLATE TO COMPLETELY FORGET ABOUT
Whole Foods Organic Milk Chocolate
This is a good bar. It's fine. It will do. It's nothing special. Very middle-of-the-road. You may forget that you even purchased it.
BEST CHOCOLATE TO MAKE S'MORES WITH
When it comes to gathering around a campfire and making s'mores, there is pretty much nothing more iconic. You're playing the brand name game here: Honey Maid graham crackers, Jet Puffed marshmallows, and Hershey's chocolate. Indulge capitalism on this one. You'll be glad you did.
BEST CHOCOLATE FOR COOKING WITH
Lindt Classic Milk Chocolate
Lindt is upscale and while it's great to eat, it's even better to cook with. Have you ever tried putting chocolate in chili? Don't recoil or say it's gross. It's actually a grand slam, and Lindt is perfect for it.
BEST MILK CHOCOLATE
Trader Joe's Milk Chocolate
Trader Joe's, you dunnit again. After a ton of chocolate bars that essentially all tasted more or less the same, Trader Joe's was a real revival of spirits. It's smooth, malty, not too rich, and classic. We love it.
BEST DARK CHOCOLATE
Valrhona Le Noir Amer Dark Bittersweet Chocolate
There is a whole lot going on here, and we are into it. There are fruity notes, sort of a raspberry thing going on. We're big fans of the dark chocolate/berry combo, so this is a winner. Most dark chocolates we tried were focused on slapping you over the head with bitter cocoa flavors. Not Valrhona. This is a full flavor experience. Leave it to the French.